A Different Kind of Job


These are tough times for finding good jobs. It's tempting to look for a safe option, like tech writer or online producer, but what a great time to find your calling and do something you've always dreamed about, or something that needs to be done that no one else is doing.

I think I've found that job. Killing everyone and anyone who ever abuses or neglects an animal. No warnings, no trial, no jury - just me, a nice gun and a list of names.

Who pays for this service? Good question. The ASPCA? The government? Let's not worry about that for now. Regardless of where the money comes from, this is a job that pays for itself in a few ways.

Firstly, the sense of satisfaction we could all feel knowing these people and their genes are off the planet. Whew! Wouldn't that feel great?

Secondly, these people area huge waste of resources. If they can't properly look after an animal, there's no way they can be trusted to look after children or any other human, and they obviously have no respect for the planet, so why keep them around?

If they can't take care of an animal, they can't possibly be productive members of any community. They're useless morons, plain & simple. Some might say, "Oh, they didn't know that XYZ might be harmful..." Bullshit. Ignorant? Misinformed? Lazy? No excuse - you're dead.

Thirdly, just the threat alone of knowing you'll be shot and exterminated if you're ever caught doing anything untoward to an animal seems like it would be an effective deterrent and possibly prevent these things from happening in the first place.

Think of the money saved by having these idiots off the planet. You know they call in sick to work to stay home and watch Springer, so if they're working for you, you're getting shanked, and that's if they even have a job. They're probably living off the dole - your tax dollars at work. Why not put those tax dollars to work eradicating these pests?

I'm available to start now.