April Phools


I didn't want to let the day pass without making my own contribution to April Fools' Day, but it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.

I tried to come up with something plausible but also something that, if you're paying attention, would seem ridiculous but also perfectly harmless.

My first thought was to announce I was pregnant with triplets but I knew that would get sticky. You know someone would totally buy it and then it would be AWKwaaard saying "April Fools!" after that.

A recruiter recently sent me an email about an online editor position in LA, so that seemed like a great premise, but anyone who knows me should know: #1, I said we're never ever never never ever moving again and #2, the idea of a full-time job makes me break out in a cold sweat and pee on the rug.

No matter - I thought it was a safe premise, so this morning's tweet: "Big news - I know we just got back from Canada, but I accepted a new job in LA. If it's truly a great gig, may end up moving to Pasadena."

I thought bullshit would be called immediately, and one person did smell a wee bit of a rat, but mostly I received a bounty of well wishes and congratulations and outpourings of "No don't go!" I immediately felt bad. I tried to stick with it but it felt lame to keep lying to everyone.

I came clean and we all moved on. Then I went to 7-11 and got a diet coke big gulp. Because lying makes me thirsty for chemicals.