And Then There Were Four

Only four dishes instead of five. 20% less litter box deposits to scoop. And no more kitten food and all the other special formulas and tricks to get an old lady kitty to eat.

Nikita left us a few weeks ago. It’s hard to believe she’s gone, she was with us for so long. She moved with us to Canada where she first saw snow and chattered to it, then all the way back to the home she knew best in Alameda. Then she moved here to Bend - another long car ride to an unknown place - and never seemed to mind. Though she did get herself into the pantry one night, all the way in the back, and when we finally found her about an hour later, she came out and didn’t seem to know where she was. I think she thought she’d found a portal back to Alameda.

She was tougher than most people I know and had the sweetest disposition possible. Except at the vet, where she became a hellcat, and I was proud of that. Fuck you, vet, I don’t know you! The first time I heard her screeching in the back room, I thought it was someone’s wolverine. Turned out it was her! That’s my girl!

We met Nikita at an adoption fair at the Petco in Alameda. David had spied a siamesey-looking kitten he really thought we should get, so I went back with him to check her out. When we approached her cage, she hissed and spat at us. I said She seems nice. Below her to the left was a little black kitten rolling over onto her back, stretching her front paws all the way out to the cage door. She was looking right at me. I told David, That’s our cat. She chose us.

We named her Nikita because we were in an N phase. We already had Ninja and Neo, so of course she had to be Nikita. She slept on my neck at night and was always close by. She got along with everyone. She later earned the nickname The Tic, because we’d find her latched on to another cat, despite how it might encroach on their space or displace them in a cat bed. They’d always relent and let her curl up with them.

She endured a blockage in her ureter that blew up a kidney and two surgeries to fix that, and had a number of teeth removed a few years ago due to common kitty dental problems. She bounced back unbelievably well. Until a couple of months ago when it was clear something was amiss. I thought it was her thyroid - older kitties often become hyperthyroid and get skinny. She was still eating well and staying hydrated. Her energy was great.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t her thyroid. She was diagnosed with a carcinoma in her lower GI, which was preventing proper nutrient absorption. There’s really no fixing that. She was just slowly disappearing before our eyes.

But we had 17+ beautiful years with her and I’m grateful she spied me that day. She was pure love and contentment wrapped up in a silky soft black coat with dazzling, emerald green eyes. I will love her forever and I hope she found Ninja and Neo and has tic’ed them both.

We love you Nikita. See you in the next life.

About EBV...

…Epstein-Barr Virus…

The virus behind mononucleosis - mono - and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. From Kissing the Epstein-Barr virus goodbye?

The Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) is one of eight viruses in the herpes family. Also known as human herpesvirus 4 (HHV-4), it is one of the most common viruses in humans, with between 90 and 95 per cent of adults infected.

The Medical Medium has covered this extensively and believes it’s behind a whole buncha health problems, including hypothyroidism. Grain of salt, IMHO, but he has some interesting theories.

But, what I learned from my naturopath was mind-blowing. If you get an EBV antibody test, you're likely to see evidence of past infection - positive for mono in your youth, for example - and negative for current, active infection. Or if it truly has reactivated, the current antibody result will be positive.

However, if the current antibody result is negative, that's not the whole story. There are other markers that if elevated, can indicate a reactivation of the virus. And that could cause ongoing fatigue, foggy brain, and generally feeling like garbage.

So, there are additional tests you can get to look for those elevated markers. If EBV is reactivated, it can be suppressed, which should help you feel better.

Monolaurin is very effective at suppressing these viruses. It destroys the lipid cell barrier, rendering it useless. Basically kills it. I have to suspect vitamin C would be helpful as well - I've read (I think it was Linus Pauling's book) that vitamin C taken at high enough doses over a long enough period of time can kill dormant viruses living in your cells. Maybe, maybe not - more studies are needed.

Lysine may also be effective - it prevents HSII from replicating. Maybe it works the same on the entire family of herpes viruses?

So, if you've had mono at some point in your life and have been dealing with debilitating fatigue and can't seem to understand why, get an EBV antibody test and find a good naturopath who can interpret the results. It could be EBV, it could be hypothyroidism, it could be peri-menopause - or all three! It could also be low iron - especially if your diet is plant-based and you're experiencing heavy periods.

Side note: If you have heavy, long periods, you're losing iron, and you need iron to stop bleeding. So, the longer, heavier periods you have, the more iron you lose, the longer and heavier your periods will be. Neat! So get your iron levels checked, too.

This would explain why for years I've struggled through bouts of chronic fatigue when seemingly all else was normal. And it would also explain why so many traditional MDs see a negative result on the antibody test and think all is well. Just like with subclinical hypothyroidism...

Also, I am not a doctor and this not medical advice. Just a story about viruses and fatigue, like so many good stories. The End.

This Explains It...

I keep thinking I’m going to write so many posts, but it just doesn’t happen. This is a great explanation about lack of motivation right now. It’s a whole new level of inertia.

Things feel “normal,” to some degree, but they’re anything but. I can handle the usual daily tasks, but not much more. I find watching reruns of 90s TV shows to be very soothing. Life in the Before Times.

I’m hoping that with a new administration, better COVID information, understanding, and treatments, life will start to feel easier again.

The good thing is, as a GenXer who spent a LOT of time alone as a kid, I’m uniquely suited to LIfe During Pandemictime. It’s taken a while to start feeling the effects of cabin fever and never-ending monotony. Get up, come downstairs to work, spend all day in my office, leave my office to cook dinner in the very next room, eat in front of the TV, go to bed, then get up, come downstairs to work… Time really has lost all meaning.

But, here I am, posting something. So there’s that! Progress!

So Much to Say

My head is full of cat hair and nickels. Ping pong balls in an airplane hangar. I need something so much stronger than caffeine, but not illegal and not drain bamaging. I don’t know how I get through the days anymore. Autopilot has never been more helpful. It’s taken weeks of thinking about writing a blog post before I could actually do it. It’s not brain fog, more like brain muck. Brain clog?

This year. This year defies description. But I’m going to try to write down as much as I can remember - all the stuff we’ve been through in the past year. The stuff that happened before the world started ending.

At the moment, in another browser window, I’m looking at apartment listings in San Francisco. So many people are moving out of the city, rents are plummeting. We joked that maybe we could get my old place for a good price. I laughed, then said Let me check!

Of course we’d never move back to a studio apartment in SF. Not with five cats and a bird. But SF is my one true home and I miss it more than I ever imagined I would. I watch shows/movies/videos shot in SF and get weepy about being so far away.

When we moved to Bend last year, we never could have imagined what was coming. We were in the midst of so many of our own changes, much was already a blur. One minute we were in the Bay Area thinking about maybe eventually relocating to Bend, the next we were here, buying a house and trying to think about what the next 5-10 years might be like.

Shortly after we settled in, my dad had triple bypass surgery - doing well now, thankfully. Then my mother had her second bout of breast cancer - this time a more invasive variety - and another surgery, seemingly getting it all in one go. No chemo or radiation - all seems fine.

Then David moved the (very heavy) coffee table with a strange posture and blew out a disc in his lower back. He’d done something similar to his neck years before, but this was different. The pain was so bad we had to get to the ER to get it under control. Worst day of our lives. I’ve never felt that kind of stress before. (He eventually got a cortisone shot and that seemed to do the trick - so far, so good.)

Soon after his back exploded, the herpes virus that’s lived dormant in my body for 25+ years (thanks, ex husband) triggered something called Erythema Multiforme (EM). Never heard of it? I hadn’t either, until I saw a dermatologist who knew what it was.

It started with canker sores inside my mouth - all over. When eating anything, my mouth felt like it was full of broken glass. Then I developed painful red spots on my hands and feet. They were painful to the touch, but never blistered. Both thumb and index finger nail beds were red and inflamed. On the advice of a local nurse, I went to Urgent Care. They had no idea what it was, but prescribed anti viral meds. That knocked it down pretty quick. But it wasn’t too long after that it was clear I was going to lose some finger nails. That took months.

So, EM is not HSV I or II, but can be triggered by those infections (and others). Now I have this whole other thing living inside my body that has to be managed, if it reoccurs. Along with Epstein Barr Virus (EBV), which might be reactivated, thanks to the stress of 2020.

On top of all that, we’re doing our best to avoid COVID-19, if we haven’t already had it, because of course there’s no way to know. No good antibody tests exist yet, and even if they did, we may not retain antibodies long enough to show up on a test! And maybe that’s another virus that lives inside your body forever that will have to be managed somehow.

Is it possible for one virus to kill off other viruses in your body? Probably wouldn’t feel very good, but that would simplify things.

2020 has felt like 5-10 years in the span of 9 months. There’s no way to plan for the future at this point. But somehow we made this move at the best possible time to avoid the Bay Area exodus and the extreme lack of housing inventory in Bend. Our realtor said that for the first time, she’s having trouble finding homes for clients and she’s seeing multiple offers, with homes selling in a day or two instead of weeks.

So, while I dearly miss my one true home in San Francisco, I’m glad we’re here in our own little semi-rural bubble where we can ride out the rest of 2020 and hope 2021 brings better days.

Upcoming posts I want to remember to write about:

• EBV - I’ve learned some things I want to pass along that could be life changing. I know - terrible teaser, and it’ll be the next thing I post.

• Hypothyroidism - specifically, sub-clinical hypothyroidism - maybe related to EBV, maybe peri menopause, but it’s happening again.

• Peri menopause - the five Ws I’m using that have helped me, because of course that really got going this year, and why not? Now I know what hot flashes feel like. Pretty interesting.

• Eczema - I seem to have cured mine - and that’s an important distinction - there is no single universal cure - you have to figure out how to cure yours, in your own way.

• Fasting - one tidbit I recently learned about intermittent fasting that was a huge light bulb moment for me.

• Plant-based diet - why we made the switch and what we’ve noticed (spoiler alert - it’s related to what cured my eczema).

Stay safe and be well.

SIP Lifestyle

It’s day eleventyhundred and twenty three of shelter-in-place. I only know what day it is by what we’re eating. On Sundays we eat pancakes.

When it was first recommended that we #stayhome and #savelives and non essential business would shut down, the first thing I wanted to do was go out and get something. Coffee. Breakfast. Something. Later I realized that’s all I ever really do. That, and get groceries.

After several weeks of this, it’s become clear to me that I’ve always lived a SIP lifestyle. I spent a LOT of time alone in my room as a kid. All this feels very normal to me.

I’m happy to travel and go and see and do. And I’m just as happy at home in my own world, in my own head. The only weird part is standing in line six feet apart outside of Trader Joe’s. That, and Amazon running low on vitamin C.

Folks in Bend seem to be taking it all in stride. Lots of strides, all over the parks. The parks are lousy with people now, like a summertime lemonade commercial on PCP. Most are keeping their distance, some are oblivious - or rude - and the dogs all look ecstatic, if not a bit tired.

Thankfully one of the canals is back open and full. Lots of water gushing by in torrents in some stretches, placid swollen ponds elsewhere. Not many people out on the dirt & gravel trails, which means more room for us. And a lot less city noise. SIP evidently means more weed whacking, lawn mowing, and leaf blowing. Has everyone forgotten how to read quietly on the couch?

Tell me when this is all over, because I may not notice.