City Girl

I wasn’t sure, but I was able to confirm last week that I am, indeed, a City Girl.

Right now I live in Bend, Oregon, where nothing smells like urine or garbage unless you visit the dump or a nearby farm. Even the parking garage downtown is devoid of pee stains and smells in the stairwells. It’s bizarre.

Last week I was back in San Francisco for work and I actually cried when I got to my room. I stayed in a friend’s time share and had my own apartment for the week and I was deliriously happy. It felt like my old place where I spent many happy years feeling the constant energy and life of the city right outside my windows.

That’s what I’m missing in Bend. The sound of life and energy. It’s dead quiet most of the time. If we didn’t have screamy kids next door, it would be almost completely silent, except for the sound of studded tires driving by. At night it’s so quiet it feels like the apocalypse has happened. I suspect some folks might find endless silence lovely, but I find it lonely and a bit depressing.

What I love about the city is that every moment it’s different. Different people walking by, different energy in every neighborhood, and so many different kinds of people. Every kind of people - makes the world go round (such a great song). I love the diversity and the crazy and the grit. It’s the only place I’ve ever lived that’s ever really felt like home

I’ve lived in many places (even Canada!) and I feel like I can live anywhere and be happy, but San Francisco will always be my home.

This is My Brain Off SM

It’s so much calmer. More focused. Now I know for sure that limiting SM use is only a good thing. I’ve checked in a few times in the last couple of weeks and after a few minutes, I just feel icky. It’s like going back to a seedy nightclub after you’ve grown up and moved on. All the same barflies telling the same stories into the same drinks - and I was one of them! I don’t know why I used it any more than I ever did, which wasn’t much unless I was seriously procrastinating or killing time on boring conference calls.

I will say, the best thing about it is when it leads to REAL LIFE socializing. We’ve met up with folks recently who are lovely people, and the only way I knew them was through SM. So, I’m grateful for that. And the ability to follow group posts and get good info, like the local post office manager’s number after you find your mail delivery person has destroyed a package inside your box because they’re better at breathing through their mouth than judging spacial relationships.

At any rate, like all things, SM has a purpose, just like sugar. It should be used sparingly and only for what it’s for.

Antisocial Media

It’s been a full week off of social media (SM), and I’m happy to say I don’t miss it. Well, I think I miss posting photos, but sending pictures directly to my friends has served the same purpose - share what’s going on in my life. But now only the people I care about see them, vs. strangers and freaks (who are probably all fine people).

The consistent thing I’ve noticed is greatly reduced anxiety and the ability to focus on what I want to focus on. I never felt anxious before, but I guess I was. And distracted. Constantly distracted and jumbled. The constant pull of those apps to trigger the dopamine. That’s gone. What’s left is a much calmer brain that seems content to focus on a task until it’s done, then move on to the next one without any distraction, complete that task, and so on.

Case in point - last night I had homework to finish for an online creative writing class. The previous Sunday night, before my digital detox, I went into my office to finish a writing assignment and procrastinated on SM for about 15 minutes, unable to settle down and get to work. Then I took breaks and again, turned to SM because I didn’t really want to be doing homework on a Sunday night. It took me three times as long as it should have to write a simple character introduction exercise.

But last night I went into my office, sat down, and got right to work. No delays, no procrastination, and no anxiety about it. Just got it done, no stress. The best part - I dove into the assignment and wrote something original and cogent on the first try! No writer’s block. It felt so easy, I wondered what I was missing about the assignment.

So, all this to say, I think staying off of SM has helped me feel calmer, more productive, and happier in general. I’m reading books I’d set aside long ago after starting them then skipping to another soon thereafter. I’ve written another blog post! I even submitted an expense report that I should have sent in this past July. I’m all caught up on work, just plowing through everything on my plate as it comes. It feels great. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to Facecrap and Instasuck. Life feels much better without them.

It’s Not Me, It’s You

You, social media. You are evil. You are addictive You are insidious. So, I’ve decided to break up with you. Maybe not forever, but for a good long while.

Why? Dopamine. Distraction. Decay. All the things social media is doing to my brain. I needed to stop.

Knowing SM apps are designed to hook into your lizard brain and keep you engaged like the little one-arm-bandits they are, I wondered what it would feel like to give it up and spend that time doing other things. More important, how it would feel just to give my brain a break from that madness.

And I would say I’m a light user - a few minutes in the morning, when I’m bored on conference calls, when I’m in the bathroom (you do it, too), and during idle moments in the evening.

So, yesterday morning I quit - cold turkey. No more Facecrap or Instasuck. I didn’t bother unplugging from Twitter - I don’t check it much anymore anyway - it’s all the same crap from all the same people (much like Facecrap). Turned off all notifications and buried the apps where i can’t easily get to them.

This is what I’ve noticed in just 24 hours off of SM:

• I immediately felt a sense of relief when I buried the apps. From the feeling that I had to check in, stay current with friends and their posts, find out which kittens had finally been adopted. That job was off my plate.

• The other job off my plate was posting. The feeling of I gotta post something and keep posting good content. That’s one more thing I don’t gotta do.

• By lunchtime, i realized I wasn’t picking up my phone as often. I still thought about it, especially during boring conference calls, but instead I texted a coworker about those calls. (I’m still texting and using messenger to stay in touch with people. I’m using those like email.)

• When it was time to make dinner, I realized I hadn’t thought about checking in at all in several hours. I didn’t even know where my phone was until a friend texted me that she, too, had decided to quit - just Facecrap for now. She still loves the Gram. So I sent her photos of my dinner like Instamethadone. She responded with a photo of udon. This could work to help us detox from the urge to post photos.

• This morning as I was feeding the cats, I realized i wasn’t checking SM while they ate. I had a glass of water and thought about how great it felt to be present with them and not be sucked into my phone.

• I worked through lunch and ended up getting several pages written for a team wiki. Hours passed and I was focused, engaged, and plowing through work that I’d put off for months.

• I wanted to make a Conference Call Still Life and share it, but the urge quickly passed. Nobody’s going to miss it.

• When that job was done, I switched back to another project and didn’t feel like I had a pile of nickels in my head. I was able to find the one thing I needed to finish and deliver without finding 57 shiny objects along the way.

• I felt no anxiety at all during the day. None. I have two presentations coming up tomorrow and the next day - I know it’ll be fine. I’d normally be having heart palpitations at the thought of public speaking. Granted, I’m doing them remotely, but that usually doesn’t quell the anxiety very much.

• When it was time to make dinner, again, no anxiety about all the stuff I need to get done every night. Feed the cats, make sure they each eat what they’re supposed to (meds or senior-specific food), get dinner done, clean up, scoop litter boxes, take out the trash. I knew it would all get done - no biggie.

• And now I’m writing this blog post, and I wanted to sit down to write something. Last night I read a book - a BOOK! I’ve had little to no interest in either of those things for way too long now.

In just 24-32 hours I’m already feeling more relaxed, more focused, and I’m 100% more productive than I’ve been in years. Could it be placebo?

Or could it be that without the constant spike of dopamine, my brain can relax and focus on what I want it to focus on? Too soon to tell, but I’m excited to see where this goes.

Lengthy Hiatus

You may notice that not much has been posted here lately. I blame unconscious time travel. Suddenly it’s 2019 but I don’t know how I got here. This is what I remember:

• Work work work work work work work work

• Niece got married (I photographed the wedding!)

• Work work work

• Work work work process photos work work process work process work work work process photos work

• Nephew got married

• Work work work

• Thanksgiving

• Intermittent Fasting

• North Bay Fires (2x)

• Fostering a dog

• Foo Fighters

• Work work work work work

• 5K runs

• Work work work work work work work

• Bryan Ferry

• Trips to Laguna/OC, Denver, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver BC, Palm Desert, Fresno, Colfax, Port Costa, Santa Cruz, Arcata, Davis, Arizona, and Bend, Oregon

Speaking of Bend, Oregon, I live there now. Here. We moved this past August to be closer to my parents. It’s that time. And I’m glad we did.

Living in Bend is very different than the Bay Area, and largely the same. I get up, feed the cats, go to work (downstairs), work all day, work through lunch, feed the cats, make dinner, clean up, then relax and go to bed, and get up and do it all again the next day. Except trips to the store now include a view of the Cascade mountains..

But it’s COLD. And it snows. So, that’s different. A lot less traffic, people are a bit friendlier, and the air feels cleaner. Other than that, it’s kinda the same.

What’s not the same is me. I feel different. It was time to make a change - start a new chapter. Feels good.

More to come. Very thankful this Thanksgiving. Much love to everyone.