We Need to Talk About Jesus

Last week I shared a link on 'The Facebook,' 5 reasons to suspect that Jesus never existed. I thought it was interesting and added another reason: "Reason #6, a virgin mommy. Because, as everyone knows, good women don't sully themselves with sex, not even to give birth to the son of gawd."

I'm no theologian - I just thought it made points that might poke some holes in the whole Hayseuss theory. I like to do that. Poking is healthy.

Well, I often forget that I'm connected to a handful of people who are devout followers. One of them got pretty upset with me. The exact comment was, "Why would you say this? Do you know how many Christians there are in this world? If you don't believe in God, don't put doubt in peoples minds."

Yes, god forbid we should say anything that might offend all the Christians in the world. Jesus christ, what was I thinking?

The part that intrigued me was the line about doubt. Is Christianity that shaky of a sand castle that any possible doubt might bring the whole thing crashing down into a useless pile of dirt? That if followers start looking too closely, they might find out they're blindly buying into a big steaming pile of crap?

Full disclosure, I'm really anti-religion, in case that wasn't clear. I think it's ridiculous and have since I was very young. (Although, I think Judaism and Buddhism are cool in many ways.) Higher powers are fine by me - I have a few of my own. It's when people try to shove their higher power down my throat is when I start to shove back.

After seeing those thoughtful comments, I was blessed by another relative who graced my page with a video by a young man with trendy facial hair telling YouTubers that Hayseuss is lord or some such - I couldn't watch the whole thing. Not because it was utter bullshit, but because I was at the Subaru dealership getting my car serviced and I didn't need any divine help - I have an extended warranty.

But it really irritated me. Those who feel compelled to "spread the gospel" have no idea how offensive it is to those who don't need "saving" nor want to be "saved" or converted, or in any way dragged into that bullshit. Go spread that shit on some toast. What's worse, there's no reasoning with them. There's nothing you can say that will ever convince them you're not interested and never will be. It's like trying to reason with a toddler. A toddler with a superiority complex.

Because here's the thing, if your religion is one that requires you to recruit others, it's a cult. Or Amway. If your religion isn't strong enough on its own merits to let people discover it on their own and join up, then it really must be some hollow shit that depends on hive brain cult mentality to keep it going.

Lordy, it is hard to understand the arrogance and inconsideration these god-fearing people have to think they are in any way qualified to tell others how to live their lives (like Republicans!). How can they not realize how obnoxious it is to be so disrespectful of others, and how it works against their cause? Although it must work on those with terribly low self-esteem or those hopelessly lost in life and can't figure out how else to get by, which are exactly the lambs cults look for.

It makes me sad that a few people close to me have gone down this road and I'm pretty sure they're never coming back. I'd be happy for them if they seemed happy with Jebus in their lives, but they mostly seem hellbent on converting others, which just seems like they desperately need others to believe what they believe in order to feel good about believing it.

If it's such a blessed thing to believe, your joy should be the only selling point you'd ever need, but I don't see joy. I see desperation and righteous hypocrisy. I don't see these people living "christian" lives, they're doing the same shit they've always done, but now that they "believe," they're going to be saved? What the fuck sort of sense does that make? As much sense as trying to discuss this on Facebook.

Oddly, the very next day after this kerfuffle, some J-Dub peddlers showed up on the front porch with their Watchtower pamphlets. As a friend said, it would seem my god has a sense of humor and I think she's right. It's probably the best sign I've ever gotten that there might be a god. He/she seemed fine with me shooing those nice folks off my porch so I could get back to sinning.